i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
