Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
