We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
