I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
FUCK WHALES
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
