terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
