He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize