Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize