This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize