If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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