I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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