My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
