Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
