are you still at the devil's house?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize