My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
