Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
