I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
