i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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