my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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