When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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