So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
