Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
