He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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