Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
