I don't usually arrange sex via text message
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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