I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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