I feel great
I just peed on a car
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
