I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
