The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
