This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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