just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
