Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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