the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
