I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
