Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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