Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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