i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
