the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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