the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
