Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
