My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
operation have a gay friend backfired
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
