I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You were trust falling into bushes
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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