I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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