Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
