I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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