It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
