my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
