from now on my penis is your penis
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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