Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
a search helicopter?!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize