ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
