I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
