Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
