Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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