I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
