Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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