some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
