I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
