Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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