his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
