Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I AM VODKA MAN
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
