peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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