My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That accounts for only three of the penises
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
